Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
