we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
