My cat gives me a boner
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Randomize
