I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Acid is not a monday night drug
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
