Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
