Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
