dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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