is your mom at the bar?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
