just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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