I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
