Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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