i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
