He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
