What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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