someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
