It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
