im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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