I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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