Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
