At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
being pregnant is like rehab
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
