I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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