he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
