he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
