im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
