shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
