Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
