In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
