Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
