I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
