just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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