Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
