So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
