I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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