Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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