Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
