Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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