I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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