Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
