Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you had me at cake vodka
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
