i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
