somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
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