I want to have your abortion
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
