I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i out mim tonsoeep
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
