I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
