I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
