after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
