So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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