you're like a bully in the Christmas story
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
