I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
