Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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