My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
that's an acceptable place to lick
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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