I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
