Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
