i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
